It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
