I'm jealous of your bromance
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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