do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
