I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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