I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
