I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
