Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
pray to the hookup gods
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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