Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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