Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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