I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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