you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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