He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry about my life...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
