just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
