Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
