Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
