what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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