WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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