can we get nightvision for the apartment?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
