My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
