I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
