need another drink. this is the easiest way
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
