i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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