time to smoke my breakfast
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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