last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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