I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
