He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
