I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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