Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
