Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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