it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
