Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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