Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
