Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
