bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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