That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
