he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think a kid would responsible me up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
