Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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