im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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