Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
