i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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