All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
