there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
