My first STD was from a foam party
I've blown a few things in my day
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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