I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
