As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
