Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
