you traded sex for a burrito?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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