i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
