Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
