Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
