You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
