im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
