WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
