So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just google imaged poop.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
