you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do vagina's smell?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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