hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
