Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
