Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
